am i healthy or sick?

11 Aug

after a twitter conversation the other night about weight & weight-loss, i was struck that the person i was talking to (who is one inch shorter than my 5’10”) seemed put out that i said i was still looking to lose 10 lbs.

maybe put out isn’t what i need to say here.

she pretty much called me body-obsessed without using those words. her tweets emanated frustration and she insinuated that i said i was fat, which i know that i am not.

i had a baby a year ago & have been eating the same way that i always have & up to 2 months ago taking care of myself physically by running & swimming, two things that i love to do. do i love my body & all it has accomplished? of course. do i hate my body for the stretchy skin & stretch marks? no way. i wouldn’t have my 4 lovelies if i didn’t have those war wounds.

but i almost felt attacked & that i was, in fact, unhealthy in the way that i was thinking about myself.

like i said, i know that i am not fat, but i also know that toning up my body isn’t a bad thing. i mean, i’m not talking about starving myself because i eat plenty, including numerous desserts every day. i don’t measure my food on a scale. i don’t stay away from butter. i don’t barf my food up. i don’t pinch my fat. i don’t measure my thighs. i don’t loathe myself. i don’t do anything to indicate that i would have an eating disorder.

BUT

i also don’t eat fast food much. i only drink soda with pizza or burgers. i don’t eat candy. i don’t snack on chips. i rarely go back for seconds. and up until our move, i kept myself fit with a gym membership.

is it wrong that i like food that is good for me? is it wrong for me to want to be fit? is it wrong for me to want to strive to be healthier for my family?

play more?

feel fulfilled?

have more energy?

so i can live longer?

why can’t it be fine that i want to be the best me that i can be? i know my limitations. i know what too thin looks like & it’s not where i am right now. am i fat? hell, no. but this body is still striving to be the best me that i can be. and i’m fine with that. i’d also be fine if what i’ve got now remained my constant. i know i look good, but i am always hoping to better myself.

why do i have to feel attacked because i want to be a better person? is it because this person is frustrated with herself? who knows. is it because she wants what i have? again, who knows. i do know that i don’t call people out on the internet telling them that i think they are anor3xic or obese. it’s not my place.

this is my place & this is me.

this is me

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15 Responses to “am i healthy or sick?”

  1. Heather B January 16, 2010 at 10:27 am #

    I think you look great! I mean…come on, we all want to look better. If we didn’t have a goal in minds for improving our bodies we’d probably begin to slack off. I know I would. That doesn’t make anyone body obsessed, just body conscious. Right on girl!!!

  2. sonrie August 17, 2009 at 12:50 pm #

    Women are beautiful, with all our curves, aren’t we?! I would like to say, you are in terrific shape after bringing four babies into this world. There is nothing you have to lose. And second, if you wanted to lose ten, or lost it, there would still be nothing wrong with you.

    I eat a similar diet: no fast food, no soda, few chips, mostly cook from scratch, lots of fruit and veggies. Why aren’t the pounds melting off of me? Though, I am learning to be content with my body (I had an abdominal surgery a year ago and additional medicine slowed my metabolism and i gained weight). Plus, my fiancee always tells me that “real” women with their curves are sexy and so are battle scars.

    There is a website around somewhere that posts pictures of women’s bodies, mostly stomachs, of all kinds. It’s reassuring to know what’s under the clothes of women…in a society that places so much focus on perfection.

  3. paige August 16, 2009 at 9:51 pm #

    Her comments have nothing to do with you. They are about her. Hearing someone that looks like you say they need to lose anything makes people like her feel even worse about themselves. I know, I used to be that way.

    By the way, I heard a good compliment on you recently—it cracked me up

    • mommymae August 17, 2009 at 9:52 pm #

      seriously…you gonna tell me?

  4. K August 12, 2009 at 11:59 am #

    I usually have no problem with heavier people. I do have a problem when they start complaining that they are doing everything they can and still do not lose weight.
    You ARE what you eat and that’s for sure. I work at the gym and i see lot of people going there every day working out two hours and they still look the same. Fact is you can spend half a day at the gym but if you do not look what goes into your mouth there is no result, you just waisting your time….. There is only few of those who can eat whatever they want ant it does not affect theyr body. I am not one of those… I am lucky that i happen to like healty lifestile and staying fit is just part of it…..
    That’s what i like about you that you find the time to take care of yourself…. I wish there would be more people like you…..and…… me..:))))))))))

  5. hsw August 12, 2009 at 10:58 am #

    if more people behaved as you do toward exercise, food, and their bodies, there would be more healthy people in the world. you are an inspiration to me and i think you are healthy and on the right track.

  6. ms picket to you August 11, 2009 at 9:46 pm #

    i have stood on front of the mirror like that, with every body’s voices in my head. didn’t have the guts with camera.

    you did. which means one thing: you rule.

    • mommymae August 17, 2009 at 9:49 pm #

      shuffles feet back & forth…thanks

  7. Kayris August 11, 2009 at 7:26 pm #

    I think you have guts for posting an underwear pic of yourself!

    And I also don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to lose ten pounds.

    I’m in the same sort of place. I’m 5 foot 8, 145 pounds or so, but there are some places on my body that I would prefer be a little tighter (belly) and a little smaller (butt). And although I have a hefty diet soda habit, I rarely eat junk food, work out 5 days a week, rarely eat fast food, and spend quite a bit of money on healthy food that I actually LIKE. And some people in my life seem to think that if I pass up a greasy hamburger in place of something healthier, it’s because I’m “obsessed” or “prissy” about food, and not because I don’t actually care for the greasy hamburger.

    So keep on doing what you’re doing.

  8. Mommy Melee August 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm #

    Admirable, I say.

    • mommymae August 17, 2009 at 9:49 pm #

      thanks for that, lady.

  9. Sarah Jackson August 11, 2009 at 2:04 pm #

    You, my friend, are very healthy. I think you look great, and as long as you feel great, then you’re in the right place. I’m sorry that someone tried to make you feel bad about taking care of yourself.

    I need to take a lesson from you and get back on my bike. As soon as it cools off. Ugh.

  10. Nectarine August 11, 2009 at 1:10 pm #

    OK, I totally relate to both sides of this. I’m sure that she is one inch shorter (as you said) but heavier, so by you saying you want to lose 10 lbs, she thinks to herself, well shoo, if she wants to lose 10, the means I need to lose 20… She is calling me fat.

    But in fact, I totally understand that you want, not need, to lose 10 lbs. Our society has become so grossly obese that people don’t even know what a “healthy” weight is anymore! People tell me that I don’t need to lose weight and think I’m crazy (or say that to make me feel better, whatever) but medically, I do need to lose weight. And yes, I too am trying to be the best I can be physically and emotionally.

    That chick is unhappy with herself and thought it was a good idea to take it out on you.

    BTW, you look fantastic, and I miss you!!

  11. smallgrapes August 11, 2009 at 12:45 pm #

    I think you look fantastic. I’ve always been a small person and I could definitely use some toning and exercise. Nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy and look healthy.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. i can’t not engage, but i really don’t wanna « mommymae - December 31, 2009

    […] have posted before about where i am in my life with my own body. this vessel of mine is mine and it’s a pretty […]

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