after a twitter conversation the other night about weight & weight-loss, i was struck that the person i was talking to (who is one inch shorter than my 5’10”) seemed put out that i said i was still looking to lose 10 lbs.
maybe put out isn’t what i need to say here.
she pretty much called me body-obsessed without using those words. her tweets emanated frustration and she insinuated that i said i was fat, which i know that i am not.
i had a baby a year ago & have been eating the same way that i always have & up to 2 months ago taking care of myself physically by running & swimming, two things that i love to do. do i love my body & all it has accomplished? of course. do i hate my body for the stretchy skin & stretch marks? no way. i wouldn’t have my 4 lovelies if i didn’t have those war wounds.
but i almost felt attacked & that i was, in fact, unhealthy in the way that i was thinking about myself.
like i said, i know that i am not fat, but i also know that toning up my body isn’t a bad thing. i mean, i’m not talking about starving myself because i eat plenty, including
numerous desserts every day. i don’t measure my food on a scale. i don’t stay away from butter. i don’t barf my food up. i don’t pinch my fat. i don’t measure my thighs. i don’t loathe myself. i don’t do anything to indicate that i would have an eating disorder.
i also don’t eat fast food much. i only drink soda with pizza or burgers. i don’t eat candy. i don’t snack on chips. i rarely go back for seconds. and up until our move, i kept myself fit with a gym membership.
is it wrong that i like food that is good for me? is it wrong for me to want to be fit? is it wrong for me to want to strive to be healthier for my family?
have more energy?
so i can live longer?
why can’t it be fine that i want to be the best me that i can be? i know my limitations. i know what too thin looks like & it’s not where i am right now. am i fat? hell, no. but this body is still striving to be the best me that i can be. and i’m fine with that. i’d also be fine if what i’ve got now remained my constant. i know i look good, but i am always hoping to better myself.
why do i have to feel attacked because i want to be a better person? is it because this person is frustrated with herself? who knows. is it because she wants what i have? again, who knows. i do know that i don’t call people out on the internet telling them that i think they are anor3xic or obese. it’s not my place.
this is my place & this is me.