when i was in the church choir

9 Sep

i hope not to offend with this one. i don’t talk about religion because it can be so polarizing, but goon squad sarah made me think of this when i read and commented on this post.

don’t laugh, but i was in the church choir.

you already know that i like to sing. what you don’t know is that i grew up going to a baptist church.

a southern baptist church.

i think my mom is more of a methodist, but her mom goes to this church, so we did, too.

i did all the right things at church. i wanted to be baptized because it looked cool to get dunked in the water tank. i was in the choir because i really liked to sing. i was also pretty social, so it was a great place to hang out with a bunch of people that i liked.

the first time i knew i didn’t believe much of what they told me at church was in the 6th grade. i asked the sunday school teacher what heaven was like & she had no answer. she was dumbfounded & had no idea what to say. she couldn’t even come up with an easy out like, “heaven is different for everyone or you’ll see when you get there.” she had nothing.

of course, i didn’t know the word agnostic then, but i fully believed that i did not agree with what i heard regurgitated from the bible once a week when forced to go to church.

fast forward to high school. i was a drinker, but not just any kind of drinker. i was a heavy drinker and i drank vodka. lots and lots of vodka. i would polish of a fifth of vodka in a weekend. i’m in no way proud of this, but want to set the stage.

one sunday, my mom came to get me at my friend, bushy’s house to go to church. i begged her through the front door not to make me go. i didn’t tell her why, but i knew i was still drunk. my mom was not having it. now, my mom wasn’t a hard-ass, but this particular time, she made me go to church & would not relent.

so i’m sitting in the choir loft in front of god and the whole church congregation when it’s our turn to sing.

we stand up.

i say, “i don’t feel very good.”

next thing i know, there’s a circle of people looking down on me as i lay there on the ground a little drunk and a lot confused.

i straight up passed out cold.

my mom goes to get her van. i get in the back & lay down.

she says, “how much did you drink last night?”

i don’t remember answering her, but knew it was close to a half of fifth of vodka.

come to find out the preacher had prayed about me & everyone thought i was sick. no one was the wiser.

but i never did go back to singing in the church choir.


4 Responses to “when i was in the church choir”

  1. Heather September 20, 2009 at 6:57 pm #

    That’s hilarious! Thanks for sharing that! I remember those drunken high school days…wait, no I don’t! lol!

  2. paige September 11, 2009 at 10:15 pm #

    so I am not the only one that particular church ran right out of business huh?

  3. tara September 9, 2009 at 6:09 pm #

    I grew up without religion. It wasnt until I was in college that I met someone who did. Maybe its a Canadian thing. I have heard it is a very secular country. We lived in Utah for 2 years and now Idaho. Culture shock, to say the least.
    I never talk about religion on my blog because it seemed I was the only mommy blogger I read that felt like I did. So thanks for speaking out.

  4. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah September 9, 2009 at 5:11 pm #

    That is sort of going out with a bang!

    I sang in the church choir too, but only because they paid me. 🙂

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